Becoming an Author
I am working on a Self Help Narrative Nonfiction about being real with each other. Naturally, the title of my book is “I Pick My Nose”
My book was born when, as a confident and successful mother and entrepreneur, I suddenly found myself a shameful spectacle when a stranger caught me picking my nose at an intersection. The display that awakened within me the instinct to hide as I scrambled to secure my true belonging with others, with myself, and with God.
My book, I Pick My Nose, is about being real with each other. Why? Because we desperately need to connect. We need to realize we are not so separate. I struggled all my life with connection, and always wondered why, when I had everything together, nobody seemed to want to get close to me. But as I embarked on this writing journey, I discovered I had been the one holding myself back from the relationships I craved. I hid behind the belief that I wasn’t good enough and that I was unwanted, and my protective walls held me back from true authenticity. The crazy thing was that I didn’t realize my self-imposed limitations until I did some digging.
I have had a great life. My mom stopped a generational cycle of abuse, and I grew up with everything I could ever want. From my position of strength I genuinely wanted to help people, which is why I became a therapist. As a therapist I had a tendency to consider myself a “healer” to the wounded. However, it was my desire to show others a “better way” that pulled me away from them. I wasn’t better. I was wounded too. When I realized I too was broken, my pieces finally fit right where they were supposed to: beautifully integrated with my human family. Not behind, not in front, but in a great web of true belonging.
I want this book to help us feel compassion for ourselves and others.
I want this book to inspire us to be more vulnerable and open.
I want this book to let the pain of our past pass through us instead of building walls around it.
I want this book to help us feel more connected to the people in our lives, and to help us realize that we all belong. Together.
My dream is that we will have a world with more open hearts, more authenticity, and more vulnerability.
Writing this book has changed me more than I could have ever dreamed. Honestly, I thought it wouldn’t be all that hard. I’d put in the hours and get the words down and that would be it. But, as I dug in with the subject matter, I was buried in the heaviness of my life experience. I wondered if I could really write in a way that would be meaningful to others. I experienced self doubt, dug up buried experiences and emotions that diminished my worth, and I felt like a presumptuous fraud. I couldn’t pull myself out of bed and I left work meetings to go cry. But, all the while, I knew I needed to experience those dark emotions to fully understand my message. Embracing the darkness was exactly what brought the story out of me.
My purpose in my writing is not to expose all of the things people hide. Rather, my purpose is to show that we are not as different as we think we are, and that we are doing much better than we think we are. Our failures are not as divisive as we believe. Rather, our failures and weaknesses are a springboard for compassion when we see each other as we are and reach out to help each other, grateful we are not the only one.
My dream is that we will have a world with more open hearts, more authenticity, and more vulnerability. We need to stop pretending we’re “fine” and start holding on to each other instead, knowing we are all struggling.
I am currently in beta read and expect to be finished with the project by April 30, 2020.
I am looking for opportunities to speak, be a guest on podcasts or other interviews, and have a presence in any outlet where I can share this message of vulnerability and authenticity.